MEMBER: My journey into kink.
from
Recon News
20 March 2021
By blueeyedboi84
Ever since I was a young boy, I always subconsciously had an interest in kink. Anything from always being the captive when playing with my friends, to there always being one particular action figure with muscles and blue underwear tied up for some reason. I always felt something there but was too young to know what IT was.
It wasn't till I went to college at 18-19 when the world was slightly opened to me, and I met people I never would have otherwise. I never had much luck with girls, for the now obvious reason, and the first time I went to a gay club I ended up pulling. As you can imagine, this conjured up lots of thoughts and feelings. I would end up going to a particular club "under the arches" for several years from then.
I always enjoyed going to the bars we did, but they felt just a tad too normal. We would walk past Comptons every weekend and I always wanted to go in, but my friends never did. I always saw hot older guys, some in leather, and I felt utterly drawn to it but wasn't prepared at 19-20 to go in on my own.
I can't remember where I heard of recon.com but I almost instantly knew it was the outlet I needed and created a profile instantly. There was one problem, though; I had no gear. I was living with my parents in Bethnal Green, and as anyone reading this in London knows, there was gay fetish shop Expectations not far from there.
I obviously did some research before going, as I was young and had never been anywhere like this before and was a bit anxious as I didn't know what to expect. When I plucked up the courage and walked in, I was in love!
I walked around for ages, soaking up all the smells and the feel of all the gear on the racks. I walked out of there with my first pieces of gear - a rubber tee and a pair of shorts. I couldn't wait to get home and try them on. When putting them on, it felt like the first time I felt like I fit in. I took a load of pics, uploaded them and waited for a response to a message and cruise I had sent to a cigar smoking leather top.
Eventually he messaged back, and we really hit it off. I visited him a few times at his house in Central London and discovered my submissive side. I found I was only truly happy when I relinquished myself to a top and got a huge kick out of pleasing him. We met socially several times and one day he mentioned a club called "The Hoist".
I wanted to go, though, again my anxiety kicked in, but he reassured me I would be looked after as I was going as his boi. I had never felt safer and at the same time so immensely turned on.
We got the cab from his to Vauxhall and he guided me in. He took me to the bar, and we got a beer together and once I had settled in, he took me for a walk around the club. I was his boi that night and he chose who I played with and served, and I found out how much I loved my top having that level of control over me.
We spent a few hours there and left together. I was hooked and could not wait to go back, which I did several times and a few times on my own, which was fun but not as much as going with my top.
I dabbled in kink for a few years but in 2009 I met the woman I ended up marrying and being with for 12 years.
I was always believed I was bi (though had never actually been with a woman before her). I think it was easier as I had started quite a straight/heterosexual job as an engineer, which I still do to this day, and it was a big secret at the time. Literally nobody knew the whole time I was there. I met my wife at 24 and a year later we were engaged. I was totally honest and told her I was bi the night we met, but as she said, she took the chance. I do believe I had got in too deep and put my love for fetish and men on the back burner. When we got married my two best men were a gay couple, I had met almost 18 years prior, and one of them was a sort of an ex (the guy I lost my virginity to) which, again, my wife knew.
It was a strictly heterosexual kink free relationship/marriage which inevitably came to an end just before the first lock down in 2020. I had repressed my urges for so long because in my head it was more socially acceptable to be straight, and it was easier than the thought of ending our almost 12-year relationship. It all came to a head in February 2020, though. We inevitably split after I came out to my wife as fully gay, but we have managed to remain best friends since.
I had decided to come out to her and to start the new life as a gay fetish orientated man, when suddenly the entire world was plunged into cockdown, and after waiting nearly 12 years for a new start, Covid happened.
In 2020 I had to deal with my marriage ending, coming out, lockdown, 4 months of furlough, death in the family, obviously Covid, and all the misery these things brought, so the idea of starting a new life seemed a bit of a joke.
In June, I managed to get my own place and recently it's started to feel like home. I decided to invest in some new gear, so last month I purchased my first latex suit and tee/leggings 2 piece, and so far have spent all my free time wearing them. Just sitting and chilling in them at home is like a huge lift for me, and I recently found my sub-space, which spurred my love for my gear even further.
I needed last year to happen and am grateful of the new opportunity it has given me, but it is not without its struggles. My mental health had hit a blip and I am up and down with depression, but my family, friends and therapist have assured me that this is to be expected.
I am now comfortable starting my new life with all that is going on at the minute, but there is still so much I am missing. I cannot wait for normal business to resume and to explore more of the scene with as much freedom as possible.
If you'd like to share your fetish journey in a member article, send your ideas or a first draft to: social@recon.com
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