MEMBER ARTICLE: Please Sir, I want some more!
from
Recon News
08 March 2022
By HackneyRascal
I hope you're not easily shocked. I'll try and spare your blushes, but I'd like to share, if
you'll let me, a recent encounter with not one, but hundreds of men. It was an incredible experience like none I've ever had before. One which blew my mind, and which left me exhilarated, euphoric, wonderfully exhausted, and desperate for more. As I recover and take stock, I think I've found my new favourite kink. Positivity!
Something truly extraordinary and unexpected happened recently following the publication here of an article by my phenomenal Alpha Daddy (@BodyRaw). People started talking. Talking in a way which usually takes days and weeks of message exchanges back and forth. Talking in a way which saw both him and I receive hundreds upon hundreds of messages of support and congratulation from across the world. It was a beautiful thing and universally positive.
His generous inclusion of my name within his article allowed me to ride on the coattails of his success. For that I am, as ever, profoundly grateful to him. The outpouring of support I received personally has reaffirmed my belief in the power of our community. I have been humbled, surprised, and tearful at times, reading those messages and engaging in a truly meaningful way with Doms and subs alike, in all four corners of our planet.
What made the experience so notable was the eagerness with which people struck up conversations. There was a hunger to talk, to share, to explore, and to praise. It felt as if there was a collective sigh of relief. In normal times, I feel extremely lucky on the rare occasion that I happen to stumble into such conversations amidst the sea of transactional exchanges on here.
So, why does this happen so infrequently? What are we afraid of? If there is an appetite to talk, why don't we open up to one another more often?
The apps are in many ways a double-edged sword. Of course, their primary function is to help liberate and facilitate our kink, but, in common with other social media platforms they allow us to leave our manners at the door, to behave in despicable ways we would never dream of, were we face-to-face with our addressee. Sure, me and my fellow subs adore Recon as the gateway to our kink nirvana, a place where we meet those Doms who will convey us into our darkness, lead us into sub-space, and then return us safely into consciousness, bruised (hopefully), battered (certainly), and euphoric (unquestionably).
But the app can offer us all so much more. The response to my Alpha's article demonstrated to me the true latent power of Recon. To bring us together as a community, to afford us the support we need and deserve. Recon's commitment to real word kink events is exemplary, but, if the last two years and successive lockdowns have taught us one thing it is that we all need to be more proactive in our interactions. We're already talking to one another on this platform, so, let's make it count.
As a poly sub kinkster, communication is at the heart of everything I do. Navigating the complex world of concurrent loving relationships requires an ongoing dialogue between all parties. I've had to learn new ways of communicating, from pre-scene negotiations to ensure my own safety, to making sure my partners feel secure, loved, and respected individually. I impose on myself, high standards, and I try hard to get it right as often as I can. I know I fall short on occasion, but, importantly, I try, and I strive to be kind.
My husband (@Dalstonite) lives and breathes this creed. He is my constant and has supported and encouraged me on my own journey in ways I find hard to fathom. His infinitely wise counsel, his thoughtful guidance, and his unwavering kindness is the stuff this article aspires to, and I thank him profoundly.
I believe we as a community have all evolved to become fantastic communicators because we need to be. It's a short step to deploy those skills in new ways.
I'm not for one second suggesting that we moderate our in-scene interactions. As the shackles are tightened, as the hood obscures my vision, and as the whip flails, I'm not asking for polite conversation and compliments. My Alpha Daddy would have something to say about that and the whip really would bite! In these moments, whether we are enjoying our pain, humiliation, or immobilisation, we subs want to feel our Doms' brusque power and we crave their control. There is, after all, a time and a place for everything.
But, in those moments leading up to those glorious exchanges of power, as we negotiate our interactions, and as we work to gain one another's trust, I exhort us all to be more positive, open, and receptive.
I recall one such negotiation with a Top (I won't flatter him with the title 'Dom') which felt full of promise and suspense. As is depressingly too often the case, I was the one to broach the question of safety and safe-wording. I was told in no uncertain terms that, "if you safeword, it will be ignored". Needless to say, I didn't play with someone so unconcerned with my wellbeing. Why did it have to be so? I respect the view that safe-wording can introduce an unwelcome limiter and overshadow our play. However, had he explained his perspective, taken the time to earn my trust, discussed his approach to safety, things might have turned out very differently and we might have had a truly mind-blowing encounter. His well-equipped dungeon certainly suggested we would.
Now, I'm by no means arrogant enough to imagine that I am one of the prime cuts of meat on Recon or that I have a God-given right to be the 'chosen one'. But, the passive aggressive 'swipe-and-block' culture which pervades most social media platforms might mean that we are all too quick to close down opportunities and limit chances to learn something new about ourselves along the way. I imagine our collective mental health might also improve significantly if we avoided such questionable behaviours.
So, what if we amended our approach? Properly embracing and exploring the opportunities presented to us. What might happen if we listened to one another's perspectives?
Of course, our community thrives on power imbalance and I'm not foolish enough to suggest that we operate on a level playing field. However, before we begin our scenes, while we explore and negotiate, let's remain positive. I for one expect that during the introductory stages. My submission is a gift and I only offer it up, ready to be unwrapped and played with once trust and respect have been established. Surrendering and submitting is the sub's privilege, not the Dom's prerogative and I only do so with trust. That's far more likely to happen when the negotiations have been courteous and respectful without any need to lose the particular frisson that imbues those early exchanges.
Positivity is hardly revolutionary, but, it feels like a revolution is required.
As subs, we have a role to play in helping set the tone. If we are fulfilling our roles well, we are naturally respectful, deferential, and courteous. Now, I suspect this might be a controversial view given the tacit imbalance of power in our relationships, but I believe we subs can gently encourage our Doms to be more positive. To those Doms out there reading this with eyes rolling, fists balling, and paddles at the ready, kindness and positivity do not tame your inner beasts. They dignify them and I would argue make you a better Dom. None of us subs want you strumming guitars and singing "kumbaya", but a willingness to listen to and embrace different perspectives might deliver surprising results. As my recent experience highlighted, there are plenty of Doms out there who appear to agree and perhaps we can ALL try just a little bit harder.
As a community we have over the decades fought boldly for our freedoms, our equality and our right to be heard. Our bravery sets us apart. Perhaps that bravery might be harnessed to set an example to society more generally, a more positive approach. If we freaks, perverts and degenerates can do it, well...we'll show the world that united, our positive approach to our kink and our own community is life affirming and uplifting.
As BodyRaw's article and its subsequent response demonstrated, words are important. They have power. They effect change. So, let's change together. What's to lose? Go on, give it a try. Shock me. Pay someone a compliment and offer some praise. Be generous in spirit and make us stronger subs and Doms. A little respect does not diminish us, it makes us wildly more attractive. Like the well-aimed blows delivered by my expert Alpha Daddy, I've felt the flood of positivity. Both feel GOOD and I want more.
***If you'd like to share a fetish or kink experience in a member article, send your ideas or a first draft to: social@recon.com
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