MEMBER ARTICLE: More BDSM and less abuse!
from
Recon News
13 March 2020
By Nirvanero1990
A story about empathy, brotherhood and limits
I am quite a sensitive person. I can't help but cry when I watch a sad film. Sometimes I can feel tears coming out of my eyes when I hear someone talking about the bad experiences they have had in the past. I get emotional when I listen to any Bach pieces, any David Bowie or Nirvana songs (hence why my Recon nickname). I am usually incapable of doing any harm to anyone or considering myself superior to anyone else, regardless of who they are. However, I do not tolerate any situations where someone is abused or discriminated because of a lack of ethics, and when I witness these situations I always make a point and say something respectful but effective. I have never been a violent person, I have never ended up in a situation where any physical or verbal attacks have taken place; I am your average conciliatory guy that always tries to find a balance and always tries to make the others feel good.
That's why, for a while I was disgusted by how much I liked BDSM; I enjoy beating someone up and being beaten up and in a scene, I like humiliating and being humiliated, giving up control of my sensations to a man and feeling helpless, just as much as I like to make the sub feel those exact sensations: I want to be at my Master's feet and I want to have a sub at my feet. I am from Colombia; my country has gone through one of the longest armed conflicts in recent history. I grew up watching news about missing people, about the drug smuggling conflicts, about tortures and kidnappings, about friends and classmates that had to join the army and participate in a war they didn't want to be involved in, about discriminated people, about poverty, and about every single kind of abuse. To a certain extent, I feel guilty of causing pain, guilty of even feeling it, of submitting or dominating someone.
I used to wake up at night thinking: Is this right? Are my tastes against my values and my personality? Should I actually enjoy all this, knowing what's going on around me? A couple of months ago I had a conversation with a friend who told me about how passionate he is about martial arts and as we were talking, I noticed something important: BDSM is to abuse what martial arts are to violence! As far as BDSM and martial arts are concerned, there are some limits and clear rules that must not be broken, it is done ethically among individuals that have consented to participating in certain activities, and just like in martial arts there's a rule that states that they shouldn't be used if other methods can be used instead (in order to avoid a fight). With regards to the BDSM world, a Master doesn't have to be dominant, aggressive or humiliating in every situation and a slave doesn't have to submit to anything and everything without even thinking about it. In those situations, the limits have not been respected and one or more participants are not enjoying it or would rather be somewhere else.
That allows me to make peace with my values, I don't feel uncomfortable anymore as I know that I'm not doing anything wrong, and if one has the right technique and you respect the other person's limits, there shouldn't be any (avoidable) long-term consequences. As far as my personality and my sensitivity are concerned, as I started to meet more people who are into this stuff, I noticed that many others have had similar issues. I have met some incredible and very open-minded men (for example, my current partner) who I have a bond with thanks to our sexual preferences, a kind of kinky brotherhood! From the very first time I participated in a scene five years ago until the very last time, which took place two days ago, I have always enjoyed feeling some kind of empathy for the other person: before a scene, just to get to know him better, to have a chat and to ensure we trust each other, and after a session just so we can strengthen the bond we have created, an interesting relationship based on the capability of seeing and understanding the most vulnerable version of each of us. Both sensitivity and empathy play a crucial role during a session (at least for me). Thinking about what the other guy is feeling turns me on: putting myself in their shoes, touching their skin (sometimes just their skin, sometimes their skin covered by a layer of leather or rubber); witnessing how their heartbeat gets accelerated as their inhibitions disappear and they become that man who is able to submit or to dominate, in order to end up in a simultaneous climax. Being this sensitive has helped me to enjoy the BDSM world as much as I currently do.
Finally, as a personal thought, I would like to invite the readers of this article to take a moment and think about the following: we need this world to follow the lead of the proper BDSM philosophy, with limits, consent and without any damaging consequences, ethically, responsibly. Less abuse and violence.
If you'd like to share your fetish and kink journey in an article on Recon, send your ideas or a first draft to: social@recon.com
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