MEMBER ARTICLE: Being Kinky in a Small Town
from
Recon News
08 September 2020
By Bondageropemurcia
I'm glad to have read some great stories from San Francisco, London, Barcelona and many other cities where the fetish community is bigger and more diverse, as these cities are more densely populated, among other circumstances.
In my case, I live in a village in the Murcia Region, in Southern Spain. I love the area where I live and I love my job - I am a dialysis nurse - but the thing is, even though I live near a city where you can be openly out of the closet, fetish is not exactly welcomed yet.
I've always accepted my sexual orientation and my fetish without any problems. It started as a teenager, at the beginning I just fantasized about naked guys whose hands and feet were restrained whilst they were being helplessly penetrated and masturbated. When I had access to the internet, I started focusing on my real kinks. It was thanks to some research on BDSM, found on American websites, that I discovered all the possible options: I love electro; I love dildos in all sizes; wax; nipple clamps (as my nipples are very sensitive); I learned what being hogtied and spread-eagled meant. I wished I was restrained, helpless, trying to escape while a Master made me submit to his desires. In my first relationships I tried soft domination scenes while having sex, that way I managed to slowly introduce the concept of bondage. However, I often ended up coming across as frustrated with my partners. I can understand that if you are not into that, then you might not enjoy that situation, but truth be told, I felt like nobody could understand me.
As sites like Recon started to appear, I started meeting guys on my wavelength. That said, those who live is small towns and villages like myself must take into account that it will likely be necessary to travel to big cities like Madrid, Barcelona or Valencia. As much as I wanted to be restrained and tied up by other guys, I started to feel liberated and sexually complete.
Back in my village reality, I have had several boyfriends who I had vanilla sex with, however, as soon as I tried to talk about my favourite sexual kinks, getting tied up and BDSM stuff, I was often considered mentally ill. I have always wondered what the best moment was to go ahead and ask that question; when's the best moment to say that I have a fetish or two? Or should I only look for fetish guys? Are we fetishists not allowed to fall in love? I had five wonderful dates with my last hookup, where we had some lovely moments, as well as some kinky ones too. We had talked about everything and anything, and as we actually liked each other, I thought it was the right moment to talk about such an important part of myself. I was starting to really care about him, and I told him clearly about my kinks, even if I knew how the situation was going to end up, based on previous experiences. He explained to me that this part of me changed everything; he thought of me as a very caring person, but according to him, my kinks represented the opposite of that. He felt that he didn't really know me, and actually, he didn't, however my fetish made him reconsider everything, which resulted in me feeling rejected again.
Luckily, I have also had very kinky experiences that have made me feel completely happy. I keep on enjoying one of the more important parts of ourselves: sex to the fullest. In my case that means being tied up, gagged, loudly moaning as I cannot take any more pain or pleasure, or both, trying to get my hands out of the powerful arm restraint, which is firmly locked, while a master tells another Dom to do with my body whatever he wishes. If we are enjoying something we have agreed previously, which is not going to leave any permanent marks, why is that not considered to be right? Why are so many people just unable to understand it?
I have never been ashamed of being gay or my bondage fetish. I have experienced many life/death situations at work, and in a number of those situations someone has died. In the past few months we have been going through a pandemic that might change the whole world, including our perspective on everything. This situation will help us take a step back and prioritize. We always have to feel proud of who we are, the world is changing constantly, and I know that as those prejudices will eventually disappear in the area I live in, more people like us will also be free to express their sexuality the way they like.
If you'd like to share your experiences of fetish and kink in a member article, send your ideas or a first draft to: social@recon.com
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