MEMBER ARTICLE: Autistic and Kinky
from
Recon News
12 April 2020
By CHCslingboy
Being on the autistic spectrum has presented challenges in every aspect of my life including my place and participation in the kink community. A spectrum of neurological and developmental variances, autism is different for everyone who has it. Asperger's, a high-functioning form of autism, is something that I learned I had as an adult. To be fair, I am self-diagnosed, using testing that is available on the web, but I consistently score very high on all of the available tests. Does that mean that I have autism? I don't know - maybe - probably. What I do know is that the reading that I have done about autism has given me lots of information. Information that has helped me understand the multitude of challenges and difficulties that I have experienced throughout my life and reading about those challenges and thinking of ways to overcome them has helped me tremendously. Throw in decades of real-life experience and most people would be hard pressed to identify me as autistic.
As a child I was as quiet as a fly on the wall, I hated looking people in the eye, I felt terminally shy, I was socially awkward, and quite frankly I didn't understand the social protocols that other children seemed to know by osmosis. I found it difficult to have friendships, common among those with autism, so I found interesting ways to amuse myself alone. At about five years of age, I used to put my penis on the edge of the toilet bowl and push the lid to make it slam down on it. When I was about six, I gave myself an enema using a child-size bulb that my mother had used on me once. Around the age of eight I had a kit of building block toys that had moveable hinges, and the kit came with clear plastic tubes and baffles to pump air through the tubes to create movement of the blocks. I used to push those tubes into my urethra and pump the baffles to get air inside and make my penis sting. Around the age of twelve I began playing with a red rubber enema bag and a jock strap. I would fill the enema bag to the hilt with water, lie down on the floor, and take in the glorious gush of water. I would put on my jock strap at night and cum in it just from feeling it on my hard cock and balls, then I would sleep in it with an all-night boner. The pleasures and agonies that I discovered on my own were exquisite. I don't know if autism had anything to do with the depth and breadth of my kinkiness as a youth but being curiously kinky was undeniable.
As a young adult of age twenty-three, manifestations of autism inhibited my pursuit of fetishes, kinks, and BDSM with other men. I patronized the Detroit leather bars on most weekends, but my neurological wiring was such that the bar music would mix together with conversations, laughter, pool balls clacking together, and other noises that seemingly closed in around me, and I found it all very overwhelming. I couldn't think clearly or communicate very well in that environment from being overstimulated. Not equipped with an understanding of the common-knowledge rules of social situations, I was reluctant to introduce myself or participate in an ongoing conversation, and when someone would join in on a conversation that I was having, I typically stopped talking and would eventually walk away.
When leather magazines like Drummer were in publication, I relied on their personal ads to expand upon my kink life because they didn't require me to immediately communicate face to face. Through those personals and later on by participating in online chat rooms, I established occasional successful connections with Doms and experienced some interesting play. Those encounters were usually one-time experiences because I didn't understand how to socially engage with the Doms after the scenes were over. There were some Doms that would invite me back for repeat BDSM scenes, and many of those men were somewhat awkward themselves, perhaps because some of them were unknowingly on the autistic spectrum too.
Autistic people tend to have special interests where they focus the bulk of their time and attention on a handful of things. My special interests have changed over the years, but my current passions are cats and kink, and I can easily become totally absorbed with them. I've recently found that my kinky special interests have narrowed further to bondage, fisting, and breath control, and I'm looking to find a Dom who will combine all three together in a scene. Receiving a really good fisting takes me to intense levels of over-the-top pleasure and agony, and those simultaneous stimuli effectively scramble my brain making it difficult for me to form words. At that point I find myself lost somewhere inside of my autistic head. I just nod, moan, squeal, and sometimes tremble in the sling as the Dom takes control of me except when I occasionally present the palms of my hands to him to signal that I need to slow down for a brief moment.
Although I have a very large range of experience and kinky interests, I'm currently finding it difficult to connect effectively with men to manifest my other desires. Being on the spectrum can make me sound naive and inexperienced, so I'm searching to find better ways to further improve my social skills so that my interactions with Doms will become more productive. Fortunately, I have a Sir who saw the potential in me and was willing to take me on as one of his boys, and I felt honoured when he placed his collar around my neck in early January of this year. My Sir allows me to play with other Doms and subs with his consent, but I'm very dedicated to him and never want to let him down. He respects my twenty-six-year primary relationship with my husband, and he has no issue with me being on the autistic spectrum.
Autistic people like routines, so I like protocol, ritual, and clearly knowing what is expected of me at all times. Because of that I tend to think of myself as Old Guard. The Old Guard practices that my Sir employs helps me feel comfortable and confident. I find it confusing as to when a relaxation of protocol is acceptable, so I find myself calling all Doms and Masters "Sir" in almost all settings. In my social media profiles I request men to be direct with me in their communications because I don't pick up on hints and social queues very easily which can make me appear to be uninterested or unfriendly.
After so many years of trying to find my way in the kink community as a sub with autism, I feel extremely fortunate to have advanced forward and become accepted as a member of a prominent BDSM club and a local fisting club. The brotherhood, environment, and play opportunities these two clubs provide is stimulating and comforting to me. Being a more integral part of the kinky brotherhood has opened many new doors, and my challenges and successes in getting there have inspired me to be encouraging and supportive of men who are encountering their own obstacles in manifesting their kinky desires.
If you'd like to share your own fetish and kinky journey in an article, send your ideas or a first draft to: social@recon.com
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